Have you ever told one of your girlfriends, I don't like your boyfriend, then this is the podcast for you. Daphne Pearl's World of Dating starts right now. ["Daphne Pearl's World of Dating"] Hello and welcome to Daphne Pearl's World of Dating.
I'm your host, Daphne Pearl. I'm so glad that you're tuning in today because I've got a juicy podcast for you. So you heard the question at the top saying, have you ever told your girlfriend, I don't like your boyfriend, then this is definitely where you're wanting to be.
Now, you know, we've all brought home people to our friends, our family, our coworkers, and there tends to be one in the bunch that just doesn't like him. Now, I will say sometimes, you know, maybe they're overreacting because they want to see you with someone that's better or had better hopes and goals even for you, but sometimes your family and your friends see stuff standing back in the sidelines, stuff that you don't even see.
So today we are going to jump into it. We're gonna talk about it and we're gonna be honest. One thing that I'm really trying to do in 2024 is be honest. We wanna be tactful, we wanna be respectful, but sometimes you gotta call a duck a duck quack quack.
Can we just say that? Like I think, and I believe actually, God gives you wisdom and he gives you the words to say. And sometimes there are difficult conversations that need to come, not only to protect that person because maybe they don't see.
But it's all in tactful how you say it, but girl, we don't like your boyfriend. And so with that, it's something tough to say, and we wouldn't say it so bluntly, but we would find the right words, the right tone, and the right time to say it.
So have you ever had a friend? Have you ever had a sibling? Have you ever had a cousin? I mean, a coworker, that you, honestly, you met that person. And maybe you even knew the backstory of some things that were going on behind the scenes that were like, okay, these are red flags, this isn't good, I hope she sees this, maybe she doesn't see it, but you know the backstory, or even you just met them, and something just did not settle in your spirit.
It was like something was off. And you're honestly like, Holy Spirit help me cause I feel something, I see something, is it me? But God not just open my eyes, open other people's eyes and my sister's eyes too so that she sees it too.
So let's talk about it. I tell you one time I knew someone that was dating the wrong guy. He was about 10 years older than her and her mother was not happy about it, her siblings were not happy about it, like no one was happy about it because we all saw that this guy was a bum.
And we all really wanted to tell her, but we noticed that if we spoke up and told her how we all felt about him, I mean he had a whole bunch of baby mamas, he didn't have a good job, he lived in this like poor area, he had no goals, and we found out later after the relationship that he would be asking her for money, he would be mean to her, he would say all kinds of inappropriate things which everybody felt but no one could actually speak up and say it because we all knew that if we spoke up then she would cling to him tighter than before and we'd never get them apart.
So one risk that you see when telling the truth to someone, it's kind of a cause and effect thing. You don't know how they are going to respond. I know someone that they've been married I guess about 20, over 25 years and we believe the reason they've stuck so close, they did end up marrying him, this is another situation, but they stuck so close we think to spite their family because the family was telling them you know you don't know.
don't need to be together, it's not gonna work out, y 'all are gonna end up in divorce, and that hurts. So we, that lady, ended up marrying him and they've been together for 25 years, but we honestly don't know if it's for the best.
Because she's now not active in church, she doesn't even acknowledge God, Jesus Christ, so it's a lot. But where before she was gun ho, I love the Lord, her marrying that person has now changed her opinions on God.
So I don't think that's really a good thing because that should not change your faith in God. And as you know, this is a Christian podcast, so if you don't agree with that, you marrying someone should not make you lay down who you believe in, like Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior.
So I'm gonna put that out there right now. But. You need to ask yourself, so I want y 'all to just come on, be with me on this. If you saw your sibling, your cousin, your best friend, your co -worker, like someone that you truly cared about and have a relationship with it, it's long standing, like you're going to be the one that if something happens, you're going to be the one to help pick up those pieces and help pray and help put it back together.
Are you willing to risk telling them the truth and say, girl, I don't like your boyfriend? Are you willing to say, he's not the one? Are you willing to be praying behind the scenes that God will show them, hey, he's not it?
Because it can go either way. And so, let's just take a quick break and when we come back, let's dive into the risk that you take when you're honest saying, I don't like your boyfriend. We'll be right back.
Welcome back to Daphne Pearl's world of dating. Before the break, we were talking about the effects of the risk of telling that loved one, hey, we don't like your boyfriend. And this is more of a personal story and I think it's okay to share, but I had a close family member that experienced a lot of loss in their life.
And during the teenage years, my family spoke up and was like, we don't like your boyfriend. And it was like they got closer and then they got engaged. And it was like, we don't like your fiance. And then before we knew it, they were married and where this family member had so much promise in her life, like she was going to be something just phenomenal.
She was gonna leave her impact on this world and she was so happy. It was like once she married him, everything changed. Her parents began to make excuses for him, why he wasn't excelling, why he just had no goals and he would lie y 'all all the time.
If you saw him, he had a lie. He would tell you that he's getting a promotion or he got a promotion, but then when some of the family members, you know, word would get around town about him, he didn't even have a job or he was like the janitor and there's nothing wrong with being the janitor, but don't tell people that you're the supervisor or that you're the lead team guy on your first day and you're the janitor.
If you are the custodian or whatever you are, be... You know, be be confident in that position. And so I feel like once she had some major changes in her life and experience some things, and he cling to her, he's stuck by her side.
And I'm not sure it wasn't all for his game. My family just spoke up and was like, you know what, I mean, we really, we're not a fan of his. And y 'all now it's like they're tighter than ever. You can see how he lies, he schemes, he does these things.
My family just really doesn't say anything anymore, because they're so afraid that if they speak up anymore, then she will continue to distance herself. And that hurts, because we see that she deserves better.
She just, I mean, she just needs to be to love more. But it's just he's got her in his clutches. And he won't let go. But it all started when they started dating, like 20 years ago, that he is not a good guy.
And we don't like your boyfriend. And I really wish that she had heard that. And really saw that because y 'all I would be with her sometimes. And we would be in the mall. And it would be like a homecoming weekend that people would be in town.
And we would go, you know, to different places. I was young myself, a teenager. And she was a little older. But I would she would let me go places with her. And I remember guys that she knew that were, hey, I'm in med school, I'm becoming a lawyer, hey, I'm just going to school where I've got a good job.
You know, I'm trying to make a good living. It wasn't all about academics. But these people were on her level, they were going to be something. And I feel like if she had connected with them, then she would have taken her education in her career further than she has today.
Because she's honestly not happy. Her own words. But anywho, um, She, I would say, hey, why don't you, like, that guy likes you and he's so handsome, like, what's going on with that? You know, being younger than her, I would say, what's going on with that?
And she would say, well, I've got so -and -so, and I'm thinking, like, nobody likes so -and -so. He always lies, like, we saw that early on. So that is one of the effects. That's one of the risks that you take is that when you tell the truth, that family member, that friend, that loved one, whoever, that important person in your life may distance themselves from you.
They may become estranged. And it hurts because you don't know if they felt like you weren't supporting them or you don't know if they went back to him, which they likely did, and told him everything that you said about him.
So now... He's got to get in their head because guess who's gonna go? It's not gonna be him, it's gonna be you. So I have a question for you. If we see that loved one, I'm just gonna call him a loved one because it could be your friend that you love, your sister, your cousin, your work bestie.
If you see that person with the wrong person, can I ask you a question? Should you even speak up, like is it really our business to tell them hey, this isn't the guy for you? Because again, you don't know how they'll respond.
And I know for me personally, after my mom passed away, I started dating a guy. And looking back, like clearly he was wrong for me, but no one spoke up and told me that they, well my sister said she didn't like him, but no one really spoke up and told me like hey, he's not a good guy or people would go, oh he's nice, but I didn't get that full vibe from them, like especially the people that I knew that were outspoken.
But y 'all, I promise as soon as God told me to break up with him and end things, and people were like hey, where's so and so? And I was like, oh well we broke up, well why'd y 'all break up? And I would tell the truth, you know the Lord told me he wasn't for me, so I had to break up with him.
They, it was like a party went on. It was like, they were like, oh thank God, oh thank God. And I'm like, why didn't y 'all tell me? Like why didn't anybody tell me that I was with the wrong guy? Because the mindset, the mind frame that I was in, I was grieving.
I was trying to process life without my mother. I lost her. And so here I am doing this new normal and probably just seeking love however I could find it. And of course, there he was. But during that healing process, my eyes weren't clearly open.
It was like maybe the things that I would have normally. seen or spoken up about or been like uh -uh that's not the guy for me I I just was I guess more relaxed but when we broke up that is when everyone was like he's not the guy for you and I had known that he had wanted to propose and stuff and it came out later that some people were like yeah we knew too that he wanted to propose and I was like but if y 'all knew that he wasn't the guy for me were you all gonna speak up I mean what was gonna happen and most of the them said we knew that you were grieving that you were trying to heal and you were just kind of in this state that you were dating him but if you all had really decided we're gonna get married they said they would have spoken up then because they knew that he wouldn't be able to be a good provider he didn't have a relationship with Christ he didn't even y 'all I hate to say it he didn't even have custody of his own kid I was the one telling him to do that um So he just wasn't my person.
It just was not a good match and I Just you know looking back I wish someone had really other than my sister had said we don't like your boyfriend because sometimes It's a harsh reality that we need to that we need to hear because sometimes it will get your attention that you're like Whoa, like I really trust their opinion on this like I trust their opinion.
I talked to them about You know work. I talked to them about church I talked to them about my life and just stuff like this is a confident for me. So for them to speak up You know, we don't like your boyfriend.
I mean that says a lot It really means that that person cares enough About you that they're speaking up because they don't want to see you hurt They don't want to see you being used and taking advantage of they don't want you to wake up in a year or in 20 years and say I wasted my life.
So That's one thing also to discuss so if you're on the end of this and your loved ones come to you and they're not being messy like they're coming to Be genuine and they're telling you hey Hear me with your with your heart.
Hear me with your spirit now not with your ears. Like I need to talk to you Listen to them Because I think that if they were messy, I think if they were jealous hearted They would not come put this out there in the open that we don't like your boyfriend They are Coming with concern.
So maybe before getting angry Maybe before writing them off saying I'll never talk to you again Deleting them from social media and blocking them and cutting off all contact and clinging to him Maybe say okay.
I hear what you're saying. I don't but I hear you." And then from there, go back into your prayer closet. Go to your Word of God. Maybe if you have a mentor that you deal with, or if you have a pastor at church, or someone even on the pastoral staff, maybe you're in a singles group, maybe you have, you know, someone that you really look up to that you can go to, but pray about it and ask God.
Like, you know, this isn't the first time I've heard this, or maybe this is your first time hearing it, and maybe God is getting your attention to let you know, hey, this is not who I have for you. This is not who you're supposed to be with.
Like, maybe it could be just something that happens that you find out they they aren't who they say they are. Maybe it's none of that. Maybe it's just that you guys aren't compatible and you're missing out.
Like, on the things God has for you. Because I honestly believe that when you have your person, like the person that God gave you, that mate, it's things in them that God has placed that they will pull out of you.
It's like it will all align. They'll be your biggest supporter. They'll be your cheerleader. They may even know how to work in the realm of stuff that you do, like in that world. You all may go hand in hand that you know how to do XYZ, but they know how to do ABC and it just goes together perfectly.
They're gonna push you, they're gonna support you. They're gonna tell you when you're right and they're gonna tell you when you're wrong in love. But if you are with the wrong person, oh my God, it can just be awful.
But anyway, let's just take a break and we're gonna come back to why we don't like your boyfriend and come up with a conclusion. So we'll be right back. ["We Don't Like Your Boyfriend"] And we are back with the conclusion of a we don't like your boyfriend and before the break, we were talking about the risk and just praying about even what God would have you to do if a friend comes to you with that information, with that word.
But what do you do if you're that friend and you're not received well? Maybe you went and you really thought that you were doing the right thing. Maybe you had prayed about it. Maybe you had good intentions, but when you go and deliver that you're not a fan of that boyfriend, that friend now cuts you off.
How do you? respond. Well this is my suggestion. I think that you should give them a little bit of time. Give them a little bit of time to think and process what happened. Maybe they'll reach out to you first and you can go from there but if they don't reach out first maybe give them about a week to to deal with it and then maybe in like a week or or maybe five to seven days or so you just reach back out maybe text them and say hey you know how are you try to get the conversation going but if they clearly tell you I'm done with you you know don't ever call me again like for real you're blocked then you have to pick up the pieces where they are and walk away and with that that hurts and I would recommend at that time just start praying for them pray for them because you see that they're with this person and pray that God has his way.
And not necessarily what we want, but honestly what God has to say about this situation. You pray for them, pray for their health, pray for their heart because I'm sure their heart is broken too, especially if y 'all were super close.
Nobody likes the end of any relationship. I mean it's hard on all of us. So pray for their health, pray for their mindset, pray for God to open their eyes, open their spirits so they can see that if they don't need to be with so -and -so that God's going to reveal that to them or maybe God is going to work on so -and -so that that person can become the right person for them.
Another word of advice I would give is, I know it's hard y 'all, I've been guilty of this too, but try not to gossip, try not to talk about it with other friends and stuff because you don't know, honestly, if they're going back and even telling because they may still have a connection with that person and you don't want them going back saying, yeah, you know, she did say this or she did say that, you know.
So just try to be careful because it's easy to get with these people and we do confide in each other and we do talk and say, girl, can you believe that she's dating him? Like why? Why is she dating him?
Do you see this? I will raise my hand. I have been guilty of that. And it wasn't so much of making fun of it, but it was just like, do we collectively as a group go tell her, hey, your boyfriend sucks.
Your boyfriend's using you for money. Your boyfriend is in this for the come up. He's not in it because he loves you and you deserve better. Like, yes, we all see our friends, you know, our family, our loved one with someone great.
We want them with the best, but sometimes that's not our choice. So we have to leave it where it is. We have to pray for them and we hope that they'll continue to keep us around. But if they write us off or kick us out, I mean, what can you do?
You can let them know how much you love them and that you will always be there for them. And then worst case scenario, if they do get with that person and they come back and their heart broken and they say, I should have listened, then you just be that support piece.
You don't say, I told you so, I knew it. You don't celebrate it. You just say, okay, I'm here. And you be that listening ear, you be that friend, you be that sister. You let them tell you what happened and you just be there for that person.
So in conclusion, when we say we don't like your boyfriend, I think we all mean it because I think again, it's a bold statement, but just hear that person out. There's two sides to every story. Maybe God can get in the mix and fix it, and maybe it's a clear sign that that is not the guy for you, and then it may be the ending of that relationship.
But, you know, we have to be bold in 2024, and if God moves on your heart to tell somebody that, then you tell it. But just don't go around telling people, we don't like your boyfriend because you're being messy and starting drama, don't do that.
But if God moves on your heart to, hey, speak up, be honest with this person, because you all have had a relationship long enough, or you see them making a huge mistake, go to them, pray about it first, but go to them with a smooth heart, like an open heart, and talk to them, and be sincere with it.
So that's all I have today. I mean, this was a juicy show. I mean, this is something that has happened in my life several times, whether I was on the end, or almost on the end of we don't like your boyfriend, or I felt like we don't like your boyfriend, and we hope, you know, that's it.
But I hope something was said today that inspired you, that maybe even made you laugh, or was a wake -up call for you. Follow me on Instagram, daphnepearlsworld, and also, if you want to email me, if you have suggestions, DM me, you know, send that to me.
Email me at dpearldating at gmail .com. Again, I thank you for tuning in, because you could have been anywhere else, but you chose to listen to my show. So I thank you, I'm grateful for you. And until next time, this is Daphne Pearl with Daphne Pearl's World of Dating.
Take care. Bye. you